As a barista, senior June Dalton spends much of her day interacting with strangers. She sees these moments as opportunities to make someone’s day better by giving them a compliment.
“When you feel appreciated or noticed by someone when there’s no reason to, it’s just such a nice feeling,” Dalton said.
She enjoys providing these acts of kindness for others, especially because she knows the impact receiving a compliment has on her own self-confidence: “Getting told something by someone else really sticks in your head, or like if [something is] perceived by others, it can be easier to acknowledge that for yourself,” Dalton said.
Similarly, junior Carsten Bauer sees compliments as important for spreading positivity and choosing kindness. His favorite compliment that he’s received was about his fashion sense.
“It made me feel pretty good. It made me feel like I was probably doing something right,” Bauer said.
There is science to back up those feelings: receiving a compliment releases dopamine in the brain. One study conducted by Japanese researchers Keise Izuma, Daisuke Saito and Norihiro Sadato in 2008 found that positive social feedback caused similar reactions in the participants’ brains as receiving a monetary reward.
Furthermore, a 2020 study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by Erica Boothby and Vanessa Bohns noted that people often underestimate the impact of compliments on their recipients and even believe that their compliments make recipients uncomfortable.
They aren’t all wrong; compliments do not have a universally positive impact. Sophomore William Drake appreciates when positive feedback comes from someone he knows well, but other times, the comments can feel forced: “It doesn’t always feel genuine … In a way, compliments sometimes make me feel more guilty than good,” Drake said.
Instead of providing a confidence boost, backhanded and ingenuine compliments make Drake feel like he’s being judged or excluded from an inside joke.
Dalton also notes the discomfort that compliments can bring when someone puts themselves down in the process. She sees those comments as in conflict with the goal of a compliment–instead of pointing out something positive in another person, they reflect a desire for validation.
“A compliment should be a way to connect with someone … it’s not about you when you give a compliment,” she said.
Most people know that thoughtful words make them feel good, but they are less likely to take the initiative to compliment others.
Ninth-grader Elise Nelson tries to offer praise whenever something kind comes to mind and, specifically, they aim to “give compliments more on personality rather than outfits or appearance.”
Sometimes, Dalton’s compliments to her customers only elicit a “thank you,” but other times, they are the catalyst for deeper conversations.
“Those little moments,” she said, “… where you just genuinely connect with someone,” make her efforts worthwhile.
Whether a compliment comes in the form of casual approval of an outfit, appreciation for hard work, or a shout-out to a large group, genuine comments create positive impact.
